Higher Education & Homestead: Love in the Waiting Years

There are some parenting conversations that do not fit neatly into a checklist. Dating, education, vocation, maturity, and family connection are some of them.

As our children grow, we want them to become capable, wise, independent, and deeply rooted. We want them to pursue excellence, develop their gifts, and follow God’s call with courage. At the same time, we do not want growth to mean complete detachment from home, family, faith, or the people who have shaped them.

So what happens when a young person still has school left? What if they are in college, graduate school, trade school, or still preparing for the future? What if a meaningful friendship or relationship appears before the timing is clear?

This post is about holding space for both: deep development and deep connection, education and discernment, future family life and the family roots that still matter.

This theme connects closely with our reflection on family closeness that lasts, because growing up should not have to mean growing away from the relationships that formed us.

✨ Some Matches Take Time — and That Can Be a Good Thing

Not every future spouse is discovered early in life. Some people meet someone meaningful when they are young. Others meet someone in college, graduate school, a trade program, church, work, community life, or much later.

And sometimes, what looks meaningful early on is not meant to become marriage at all. It may simply be a beautiful friendship, a season of growth, or a person who helped shape the way someone thinks about kindness, character, and connection.

In our family, we talk about this openly. We want our children to know they can value friendship and connection without rushing into adult decisions before they are ready.

That is part of building healthy confidence: the ability to honor what is meaningful without forcing timing, pressure, or certainty before wisdom has had time to grow.

🕊️ Not Everyone Meets Their Person Young

Let’s begin with truth and freedom:

Not everyone meets their person in elementary school, high school, college, or even in their twenties. And equally important, not everyone is called to marriage.

Some people marry someone they have known for years. Some people marry someone they meet in adulthood. Some people remain single by choice, circumstance, or calling and live lives of incredible purpose, generosity, faithfulness, and service.

In our family, we want our children to know that:

• Marriage is a beautiful vocation.
• Single life can also be meaningful, holy, and fruitful.
• Not marrying does not mean something is missing.
• A person does not need to be chosen romantically in order to be deeply loved by God.
• Discernment takes time, prayer, maturity, and peace.

“You don’t have to find someone to become someone.”

We encourage our children to listen for God’s voice, not just their feelings, and to walk in their calling even if it does not follow a timeline, formula, or expectation.

The Holy See’s Familiaris Consortio speaks about the Church’s care for marriage and family life and addresses young people as they begin their journey toward marriage and family life. It also reminds us that family formation is connected to maturity, vocation, responsibility, and love. You can read the full document here: Familiaris Consortio.

💬 What If They Did Meet Someone Meaningful Already?

Sometimes a meaningful connection forms early — maybe through family friends, church, homeschool groups, co-op, sports, neighborhood life, or shared community. For young children, this should remain firmly in the world of friendship, kindness, and healthy community life.

For older teens and young adults, there may be a more serious question: what if the person has real potential, but the timing is not yet right?

Maybe one or both still has years of school left. Maybe one is pursuing a degree and the other is entering a trade. Maybe they care about each other, but they are still growing emotionally, spiritually, financially, and practically.

Here is what we want our children to understand:

• You can honor a connection without rushing it.
• You can care about someone and still continue your own growth.
• You can stay rooted in family without becoming dependent or immature.
• You can let time reveal what is wise.
• You can pursue education without making home feel like a distant memory.

That kind of grounded approach is connected to why we chose a contribution-focused childhood. We want our children to grow into adults who understand that their choices affect others, that family matters, and that love is not only a feeling but a responsibility.

🧭 Keep Growing, Stay Connected

We are raising our children to go out into the world boldly, but not to detach completely. Our hope is not for them to return only at Thanksgiving and Christmas. We are building a life where our children can remain meaningfully connected throughout the year.

That does not mean controlling their future. It means continuing relationship.

It can look like:

• coming home for ordinary weekends, not only holidays
• helping with family projects
• staying connected to siblings and grandparents
• calling for advice without shame
• bringing friends into the family rhythm
• remembering that home is not just a place but a people

If someone from the past still overlaps with your life in healthy, natural ways, then a future reconnection may remain possible without being forced.

This is not about keeping young adults small. It is about helping them stay anchored while they grow.

🌿 What “Rooted and Woven Into Home” Looks Like

This is not only about dating. It is about identity, belonging, gratitude, and continuity.

We want our children to remain rooted in the home that has poured into them since the beginning. This home has been their first school, first church, first hospital, first sanctuary, and first cheer squad.

They have been raised not only with structure, but with vision and love. In return, we believe it is good and beautiful to remain woven into that legacy — not as an obligation, but as a living part of the family story.

This is not just a place they come back to. It is a people they continue walking with.

As they prepare for adulthood, marriage, single life, work, service, or whatever God has prepared for them, we believe that:

• strong family roots can support secure adult relationships
• ongoing connection can help young adults flourish
• regular presence strengthens multiple generations
• belonging gives courage for the future

For us, being rooted and woven into home means:

• coming home for projects, not just parties
• investing in siblings, grandparents, and extended family
• seeing home not as a closed chapter, but as a foundation
• staying connected through love, not guilt
• welcoming future spouses, friends, and children into a living family culture

This is part of the heart behind Love Always, Your Mom: the hope that children grow with the deep knowledge that they are loved, known, supported, and never alone.

❤️ A Note to the One Still Becoming

If your child is still in school, still growing, still becoming who they are meant to be, and they have made a meaningful connection, try to hold the moment with wisdom.

Encourage them to:

• honor the connection without idolizing it
• continue their education and formation
• stay close to God, family, and wise counsel
• avoid rushing into commitments they are not ready to carry
• learn what healthy communication looks like
• respect the other person’s growth and timeline too

Do not encourage them to skip their process. Do not tell them to “lock it down” out of fear. Teach them to grow into wisdom.

Education is a gift. Relationships are not assignments to complete. And the path forward should not require cutting ties with where they came from.

If your own childhood shaped how you think about attachment, independence, or family closeness, you may also appreciate How Childhood Experiences Shape How We Parent, because many of us are still learning how to guide our children without reacting from fear.

✨ Letting Time Refine the Match

Sometimes, a relationship needs to wait not because it is weak, but because the people involved still need time to become ready.

A connection that happens too early can struggle under pressure if the people involved are not mature enough to carry it well. But a connection that is allowed to grow with patience, maturity, service, education, prayer, and family support may become clearer over time.

Whether your child is in college, pursuing a trade, working, serving, or still deciding what comes next, remind them:

• love is not lost in the waiting
• growth does not cancel connection
• home should not become a distant memory
• peace matters more than pressure
• God is not rushed by anyone’s timeline

This is also why we value ordinary faith formation at home, the kind we wrote about in Teaching Love at Home. Children need more than advice about romance. They need a vision of love that is patient, sacrificial, practical, and rooted in faith.

How Parents Can Support Without Pressuring

Parents can help young people discern without turning every friendship into a future marriage conversation.

Helpful support might sound like:

• “What do you admire about this person’s character?”
• “Does this connection help you grow closer to God and your responsibilities?”
• “Are you both becoming more mature, honest, and peaceful?”
• “What do trusted adults see that you may not see yet?”
• “Is this relationship asking for more than you are ready to give?”

Unhelpful pressure might sound like:

• “This is definitely the one.”
• “You can’t let this person get away.”
• “You should plan your whole future around this now.”
• “If you wait, you’ll lose your chance.”

Discernment needs room to breathe. Young people need guidance, but they also need time, prayer, maturity, and honest conversation.

This is why the question raised in Are Catholic Husbands Nicer Than Protestant Husbands? matters beyond the title. The deeper issue is not labels alone, but character, shared values, faithfulness, humility, and how a person actually lives.

Related Here They Grow Posts

If you want to continue thinking about family culture, faith, marriage, and long-term connection, these posts may be helpful:

• Closeness That Lasts: What Other Cultures Can Teach Us About Raising Connected Families
• What Healthy Confidence Actually Looks Like
• Why We Chose a Contribution-Focused Childhood
• How Childhood Experiences Shape How We Parent
• Teaching Love at Home

Frequently Asked Questions About Dating During Higher Education

Should young adults date while they are still in school?

Some young adults can date wisely while continuing their education, while others may need more time, maturity, or focus. The key question is not only whether they are in school, but whether the relationship supports responsibility, peace, faith, and healthy growth.

What if my child meets someone meaningful before they are ready for marriage?

They can honor the connection without rushing it. A healthy relationship should allow room for education, maturity, family connection, and personal development. Timing matters.

How can parents guide dating without pressuring their children?

Parents can ask thoughtful questions, model healthy marriage and family life, encourage prayer and wise counsel, and avoid turning every friendship into a future spouse conversation.

Is single life a failure?

No. Single life can be meaningful, faithful, generous, and deeply fruitful. Marriage is beautiful, but a person’s worth is not determined by marital status.

Why does staying connected to home matter during higher education?

Staying connected to home gives young adults roots, support, perspective, and a place of belonging. Healthy family connection can help them move forward with greater confidence, not less independence.

Simple Tools for Thoughtful Family Rhythms

💌 Share This Post

Share this post with a parent, grandparent, mentor, or young adult who is thinking about dating, education, vocation, and family connection with care.

These conversations do not need to be rushed. They need wisdom, tenderness, prayer, and time.

With quiet encouragement,
Ashley