The Best-Friend Lens: A Simple Tool for Purposeful, Family-Centered Parenting

At Here They Grow, we’re dedicated to exploring parenting choices and family values. In our home, raising Claire and Peter isn’t just about individual guidance; it’s about nurturing the spirit of our whole family. Our home is built on purpose: love, trust, and the unwavering belief that our children’s presence is not a burden but a divine gift that strengthens all of us.

While our family atmosphere is welcoming, moments of uncertainty do arise—those times when motherhood feels more like navigating a foggy road than following a well-marked map. When faced with decisions, one helpful technique I teach my children to practice answering this question:
If I didn’t know what to do for myself, what advice would I give my best friend in the same situation? Quite thought-provoking, don’t you think?

Sibling Respect: Claire and Peter’s Hotel Room Lessons

On our recent family vacation, we stayed in a vacation rental, which provided a perfect setting for lessons in respect and cooperation. Amid the excitement of exploring a new place, they encountered a few challenges, particularly when respecting their shared space.

One evening, I noticed Peter asking Claire to help clean up their toys scattered around the room. Initially hesitant, Claire needed a gentle nudge. Instead of stepping in, I paused and thought, “What would I tell a friend in this situation?”

I encouraged Claire to consider Peter’s perspective: “Think of your sibling as you would want them to think of you.” We discussed our family values of respect and cooperation, emphasizing how maintaining a tidy space demonstrates care for one another. Claire quickly agreed, and they turned the cleanup into a game, reinforcing their bond while making their shared environment pleasant.

Navigating Feedback with Kindness

After a day of adventures, we gathered to reflect on our experiences. I noticed that Claire and Peter displayed defensiveness when I offered suggestions on how they could enhance their interactions or make the most of our next outing. Instead of dismissing their feelings, I used the best friend lens to guide our conversation.

I asked myself, “What would I say to a friend whose child feels sensitive to feedback?” I chose to frame the discussion positively, conveying that receiving advice is part of growth. I shared, “When someone gives you advice, it shows they care and want you to succeed. Think of it as a way to become even more amazing!”

We practiced responding to corrections with openness, allowing Claire and Peter to give each other thoughtful feedback. This created an atmosphere of understanding, where they learned to see corrections as opportunities rather than threats.

When in Doubt, Be the Friend

From learning to sharing spaces harmoniously to accepting corrections with grace, we all face parenting choices that can be challenging. The best-friend lens is about recalling the wisdom, compassion, and clarity we possess when we let go of self-doubt.

So the next time you feel uncertain, ask yourself:

What would I say if a friend came to me with this problem?
How would I address her—with judgment or with grace?
Would I advise her to hide in fear, lash out in anger, or to embrace respect and openness?

Then, take that advice to heart. Remember, you’re not just raising a child—you’re modeling how to be kind, strong, and deeply human.

Because here they grow—and here we grow—one thoughtful choice at a time.

We’d love to hear from you! Have your children shown kindness to one another or gracefully accepted corrections lately? What insights have you uncovered through the eyes of a friend? Please share your story in the comments below or connect with us on Instagram @‌here.they.grow.

Thank you for joining us as we continue building our community of heart-forward families rooted in love, guided by values, and growing stronger together.

Ashley